Subject: Funny!!!!!!!!
A man and his wife were celebrating their 50th wedding
anniversary. The wife says to her husband, "For our
anniversary this year, you can ask me one question,
any question you want to. I will answer it
truthfully."
The husband replies, "Okay, this has been bothering me
for a long time, but I haven't had the courage to ask
before...but I have noticed that all of our eight
children look similar to one another except one. I
can't figure out how he got to look so different. Did
he have a different father than the rest?"
The wife stops. She is unable to look her husband in
the eyes. Slowly she replies, "yes. Yes he did have a
different father." Her husband was taken aback. "Oh!
Okay...I must know. Please tell me. Who was that
child's father?" Again she cannot look her husband in
the eyes. She is very distressed, and after a long
silence she slowly said, "YOU."
A man is at the dentist's for a check-up. As the
dentist leans over, he asks, "Well... So you had oral
sex this morning?" "How did you know?" asks the man,
embarrassed but also amazed at his dentist's
perception. "Was it the smell on my breath?" "No" says
the dentist. "Well, did you see a pubic hair caught in
my teeth?" asks the man. "No" says the dentist. "Well,
what then? How did you know?" asks the man, losing
patience. The dentist says "There's a little bit of
shit on the end of your nose."
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A man takes his wife to the stock show. They start
heading down the alley that had the bulls. They come
up to the first bull and his sign stated: "This bull
mated 50 times last year." The wife turns to her
husband and says, "He mated 50 times in a year, you
could learn from him." They proceed to the next bull
and his sign stated: "This bull mated 65 times last
year." The wife turns to her husband and says, "This
one mated 65 times last year. That is over 5 times a
month. You can learn from this one, also." They
proceeded to the last bull and his sign said: "This
bull mated 365 times last year." The wife's mouth
drops open and says, "WOW! He mated 365 times last
year. That is ONCE A DAY!!! You could really learn
from this one." The man turns to his wife and says,
"Go up and inquire if it was 365 times with the same
cow."
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The couple has been married only two weeks. The
husband, although very much in love, can't wait to go
out on the town and party with his old buddies.
"Honey," says he to his new bride, "I'll be right
back..." "Where are you going, Coochy Coo?" asks the
wife. "I'm going to the bar, Pretty Face. I'm going to
have a beer." "You want a beer, My Love?" She opens
the refrigerator door shows him 25 different brands of
beer from 12 different countries: Germany, Holland,
Japan, India, including six places he's never even
heard of. The husband is nonplussed, and all he can
think to say is, "Yes, Honey Pie, but the bar you
know...the frozen glass..." He hasn't finished the
sentence before wifey interrupts him by saying, "You
want a frozen glass, Puppy Face?" She hands him a mug
out of the freezer that is so cold that it burns his
fingers "Yes, Tootsie Roll," hubby says a bit
desperately, "but at the bar they have those hors
d'oeuvres that are really delicious... I won't be
long. I'll be right back. I promise. OK?" "You want
hors d'oeuvres, Pookie Pooh?" She opens the oven and
removes 15 different hors d'oeuvres: chicken wings,
pigs in a blanket, mushroom caps, pork strips, etc.
"But, Sweetie, Honey...at the bar...you know...the
swearing, the dirty words and all that..." "You want
dirty words, Cutie Pie? Here...DRINK YOUR FUCKING BEER
IN YOUR FROZEN FUCKING MUG AND EAT YOUR FUCKING
SNACKS, BECAUSE YOU AREN'T GOING ANYWHERE! GOT IT,
ASSHOLE?!!"
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Two couples had gone away for the weekend. The two
guys, Jack and Bill, have decided to try to persuade
their wives to do a bit of partner swapping for the
night. After several drinks that night they succeed.
Jack knows it's that time of the month for his wife
and the thought of Bill not knowing this makes him
smile. The guys agreed that when they sit around the
breakfast table the following morning, they will tap
their teaspoons on the side of their coffee mug the
number of times that they did it with each other's
wives.
The next morning they are all at the breakfast table,
slightly hung over and quite uncomfortable, when Jack
proudly taps his teaspoon 3 times against his coffee
mug. After a brief moment of thinking, Bill takes his
teaspoon and taps it once on the strawberry jam and 3
times on the peanut butter!
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