Sunday, October 31, 2010


Asha Tyson

Author of ‘How I Retired At 26!’

  • Ask yourself, ‘Am I living my best life?’ Recognize that life can be better. We don’t have to get caught in the same old rut. We are different from animals in that we can make choices. We can’t let others determine how far or how successful we can be. Don’t allow mythical messages stop you from proceeding forward. Don’t let another person’s reality determine where you will end up.
  • Set the bar for yourself, and don’t settle until only you are satisfied. And yes, you can have it all. A balanced life – spiritually healthy, physically healthy, good relationships etc. Go for the life you want.
  • Surround yourself with people who are successful by your definition. These people will support your elevation. They will be your mentors, guides and will support you when you are down.
  • Be willing to do what is unusual so as to get unusual results!!
  • Celebrate life and those successful moments in life. We don’t often take the time to celebrate our small successes, and often go from one task to the next as though leaping from one branch of a tree to the next. Be kind to yourself. Conversely, be kind to yourself when you make mistakes.
  • Live an honorable life. A life of high integrity and clean hands. Raise the bar of character. Believe you deserve and the world will become responsive. Let go off your history and embrace your destiny! The pay-off in not letting go is that it justifies the fact that you are right. But would you rather be right or be all right? It’s easy to make a lot of money in America. But can you make a lot of money and still live an honorable life? That’s living!!
  • Become a woman of excellence. How? Get good at change. Change is uncomfortable as it forces you to move outside your comfort zones. Expect the best from God and continue to build on the skills God has given you.
  • Iron sharpens iron. Get the toxins out of your life. Surround yourself with people who fuel you with positive energy, not with folks that drain you. Be selective about your friends. Be mindful of your magnificence. You have something to contribute. There is something you do exceptionally well that no one else can do quite like you. “De-excuselize” – which means, get rid of the excuses. Recognize the magnificence of benevolence. You are empowered to make choices, changes etc.
  • What is retirement? It isn’t having a job, making a lot of money and retiring at 55 to go fishing and live happily ever after. It’s living a life of meaning. One that has purpose and allows you to use your God given talents so that your work is an extension of who you are.
  • Finally, your thoughts and feelings are valid to you. No one can tell you what to think or feel. Be willing to challenge the thought processes that don’t align with where you want to go.

Some Reading Materials That Every Personal Library Should Have

1. Think and Grow Rich – Napoleon Hill

2. Rich Dad, Poor Dad

3. Richest Man in Babylon

4. As a Woman Thinketh

Are you Black?

You know you are black if ...................
Does this ring true in your families? 
You know you are black if..... 
You unwrap all your gifts carefully, so that you can reuse the      wrapping. 
You don't have genuine Tupperware, only use margarine,
ice-cream and yoghurt tubs. 
You call an older person you've never met before 'uncle' or 
More than 90% of the music CD's and cassettes in your home are illegal copies. 
Your garage is always full of stuff because you never throw anything away, just in case you need it someday. 
You have a collection of miniature shampoo bottle from your
stays at hotels. 
You have almost always-overweight baggage when travelling by plane. 
If a store has a limit on the quantity of a product, then each member 
of the family will join separate queues to purchase the maximum quantity possible. 
All children have annoying nicknames. 
Nobody in your family informs you that they are coming over fora 
You stuff your pockets with, mints and toothpicks at restaurants. 
Your mother has a minor disagreement with her sister and does
not talk to her for 10 years. 
You only make telephone calls at a cheaper rate at night. 
You teach others swear words in your language. 
You never have less than 20 people to meet you at the airport or see you off even if it is a local flight. 
You keep changing your Internet Service Provider because the first 
month is free. 
Office supplies mysteriously find their way to your home. 
You don't buy a printer because it is cheaper to do it at work. 
You wash your car on a Sunday. 
Weddings never start at the appointed time. 
You always lie about the ages of your children if they have
to pay higher admission fees. 
When you are young, your parents buy you clothes at least two 
sizes too big so that they would last longer. 
At least one of your uncles is a teacher. 
You have a 10 kg bag of rice in the kitchen. 
You always read the Sport sections of the Sunday newspapers first. 

You may consider farming


A jobless man applied for the position of "office boy" at Microsoft. The HR manager interviewed him then watched him cleaning the floor as a test.

"You are employed" he said. "Give me your e-mail address and I'll send you the application to fill in, as well as date when you may start. The man replied "But I don't have a computer, neither an email."

"I'm sorry", said the HR manager, "If you don't have an email, that means you do not exist. And who doesn't exist, cannot have the job." The man left with no hope at all. He didn't know what to do, with only $10 in his pocket. He then decided to go to the supermarket and buy a 10Kg tomato crate. He then sold the tomatoes in a door-to-door round. In less than two hours, he succeeded to double his capital. He repeated the operation three times, and returned home with $60.

The man realized that he can survive by this way, and started to go everyday earlier, and return late Thus, his money doubled or tripled every day. Shortly, he bought a cart, then a truck, then he had his own fleet of delivery vehicles. 5 years later, the man is one of the biggest food retailers in the US.

He started to plan his family's future, and decided to have a life insurance. He called an insurance broker, and chose a protection plan. When the conversation was concluded, the broker asked him his email.

The man replied, "I don't have an email".

The broker answered curiously, "You don't have an email, and yet have succeeded to build an empire. Can you imagine what you could have been if you had an email?!!"

The man thought for a while and replied, " Yes, I'd be an office boy at Microsoft!"

Moral of the story

Moral 1- Internet is not the solution to your life.

Moral 2- If you don't have internet, and work hard, you can be a millionaire.

Moral 3- If you received this message by email, you are closer to being an office boy/girl, than a millionaire...

Have a great day am going to sell tomatoes !!!

Friday, October 29, 2010

Some Old Joke to Brighten Your Weekend

A young girl went to get mangoes from a mango tree near a church. She climbed up the tree and in the process She attracted the attention of the Pastor who came out and looked up the tree to find out what was going on. The pastor discovered that the girl up the tree did

not have her pants on; he looked away in pity and called her to climb down. He gave her 2000/- and told her

"Tell your mum to buy you underpants".

At home the little girl gave the money to her mum and told her the whole story; The mum was impressed at the kindness of the pastor but then she thought

"If my little girl can be given 2000/- to buy underpants, what about a big woman like me?."

The next morning this woman decided to climb the mango tree
without underpants. When the pastor shouted at her to climb down underpants and so she descended expectantly hoping to be given a lot of money since she was bigger than her daughter.

On the ground, to her astonishment the pastor gave her 50/- and


This is pretty neat.

It takes less than a minute.
Work this out as you read.
Be sure you don't read the bottom until you've worked it out!
This is not one of those waste of time
things, it's fun.

1. First of all, pick the number of times a week that you would like to have
(more than once but less than 10)

2. Multiply this number by 2 (just to be bold)

3. Add 5

4. Multiply it by 50 -- I'll wait while you get the calculator

5. If you have already had your birthday this year add
1756 ....
If you haven't, add 1755.

6. Now subtract the four digit year that you were born.

You should have a three digit number

The first digit of this was your original number
(i.e., how many times you want to have chocolate each week).

The next two numbers are

YOUR AGE! (Oh YES, it is!!!!!)

! .

ARE YOU SURPRISED?????????????

What Your Birthday Means

Your birth date describes who we are, what we are good at and what our inborn
abilities are. It also points to what we have to learn and the challenges we are
facing. To figure out your Birth Number, add all the numbers in the birth date
together like in the example until there is only one digit.

Once you have discovered your Birth Number, forward this email to the rest of
your friends, including the one who sent this to you...

Put your number in the space for "Subject" Have fun!

Example: March 20, 1950
3 + 20 + 1950 = 1973 = 1 + 9 + 7 + 3 = 20 = 2 + 0 = 2

2 is the Birth Number to read for the birth date in the example. Your
number is: (and read on for description of #


1's are originals. Coming up with new ideas and executing them is natural.
Having things their own way is another trait that gets them as being stubborn
and arrogant. 1's are extremely honest and do well to learn some diplomacy
skills. They like to take the initiative and are often leaders or bosses, as
they like to be the best.Being self-employed is definitely helpful for them.
Lesson to learn: Others' ideas might be just as good or better and to stay open
minded. Famous 1's: Tom Hanks, Robert Redford, Hulk Hogan, Carol Burnett, Wynona
Judd, Nancy Reagan, Raquel Welch.

2's are the born diplomats. They are aware of others' needs and moods and
often think of others before themselves. Naturally analytical and very intuitive
they don't like to be alone. Friendship and companionship is very important and
can lead them to be successful in life, but on the other hand they'd rather be
alone than in an uncomfortable relationship. Being naturally shy they should
learn to boost their self-esteem and express themselves freely and seize the
moment and not put things off. Famous 2's: President Bill Clinton, Madonna,
Whoopee Goldberg, Thomas Edison, Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart.

3's are idealists. They are very creative, social, charming, romantic, and
easygoing. They start many things, but don't always see them through. They like
others to be happy and go to great lengths to achieve it. They are very popular
and idealistic. They should learn to see the world from a more realistic point
of view. Famous 3's: Alan Alda, Ann Landers, Bill Cosby, Melanie Griffith,
Salvador Dali, Jodi Fo ster.

4's are sensible and traditional. They like order and routine. They only
act when they fully understand what they are expected to do. They like getting
their hands dirty and working hard. They are attracted to the outdoors and feel
an affinity with nature. They are prepared to wait and can be stubborn and
persistent. They should learn to be more flexible and to be nice to themselves.
Famous 4's: Neil Diamond, Margaret Thatcher, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Tina
Turner, Paul Hogan, Oprah Winfrey

5's are the explorers. Their natural curiosity, risk taking, and
enthusiasm often land them in hot water. They need diversity, and don't like to
be stuck in a rut. The whole world is their school and they see a learning
possibility in every situation. The questions never stop. They are well advised
to look before they take action and make sure they have all the facts before
jumping to conclusions. Famous 5's: Abraham Lincoln, Charlotte Bronte, Jessica
Walter, Vincent Van Gogh, Bette Midler, Helen Keller and Mark Hamil.

6's are idealistic and need to feel useful to be happy. A strong family
connection is important to them. Their emotions influence their decisions. They
have a strong urge to take care of others and to help. They are very loyal and
make great teachers. They like art or music.They make loyal friends who take the
friendship seriously. 6's should learn to differentiate between what they can
change and what they cannot. Famous 6's: Albert Einstein, Jane Seymour, John
Denver, Meryl Streep, Christopher Columbus, Goldie Hawn.

7's are the searchers. Always probing for hidden information, they find it
difficult to accept things at face value. Emotions don't sway their decisions.
Questioning everything in life, they don't like to be questioned themselves.
They're never off to a fast start, and their motto is slow and steady wins the
race. They come across as philosophers and being very knowledgeable, and
sometimes as loners. They are technically inclined and make great researchers
uncovering information.They like secrets. They live in their own world and
should learn what is acceptable and what not in the world at large. Famous 7's:
William Shakespeare, Lucille Ball, Michael Jackson, Joan Baez, Princess Diana.

8's are the problem solvers. They are professional, blunt and to the
point, have good judgment and are decisive. They have grand plans and like to
live the good life. They take charge of people. They view people objectively.
They let you know in no uncertain terms that they are the boss. They should
learn to exude their decisions on their own needs rather than on what others
want. Famous 8's: Edgar Cayce, Barbra Streisand, George Harrison, Jane Fonda,
Pablo Picasso, Aretha Franklin, Nostrodamus.

9 's are natural entertainers. They are very caring and generous, giving
away their last dollar to help. With their charm, they have no problem making
friends and nobody is a stranger to them. They have so many differe nt
personalities that people around them have a hard time understanding them.They
are like chameleons, ever changing and blending in. They have tremendous luck,
but also can suffer from extremes in fortune and mood. To be successful, they
need to build a loving foundation. Famous 9's: Albert Schweitzer, Shirley
MacLaine, Harrison Ford, Jimmy Carter, Elvis Presley.

Useless Facts

If the government has no knowledge of aliens, then why does Title 14, Section 1211 of the Code of Federal Regulations, implemented on July 16, 1969, make it illegal for U.S. citizens to have any contact with extraterrestrial or their vehicles?

If you sneeze too hard, you can fracture a rib. If you try to suppress a sneeze, you can rupture a blood vessel in your head or neck and die.

Nearly a third of all bottled drinking water purchased in the US is contaminated with bacteria.

Rats multiply so quickly that in 18 months, two rats could have over 1 million descendants.

You are more likely to be struck by lightning than to be eaten by a shark. You are more likely to be infected by flesh-eating bacteria than you are to be struck by lightning.

If you urinate when swimming in a South American River, you may encounter the candiru. Drawn to warmth, this tiny fish is known to follow a stream of urine to its source, swim inside the body, and flare is barbed fins. It will remain firmly embedded in the flesh until surgically removed.

When a pilot light in a gas barbecue fails to ignite the gas jets properly, it is easy for you to inhale gas accidentally while trying to light it by hand. If this has happened, when the match does light, sometimes a trail of flame will blaze from the jet onto your mouth, filling your lungs with fire. Oddly enough, you would suffocate before burning to death as the flame would consume the oxygen in every breath you would take.

The soft plastic headphones used on airplanes create a warm, moist environment in the ear canal that is ideal for breeding bacteria. Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in your ear by 700 times.

On a plane, if the passenger in your seat on the incoming flight had serious gas, then you are sitting on a cushion full of disease-causing microbes.

Homely criminals get 50% longer jail sentences, on average, than good-looking criminals.

Four sunken nuclear submarines sit at the bottom of the Atlantic Ocean. One, a Russian sub resting in deep water off of Bermuda, holds 16 live nuclear warheads. Scientists and oceanographers are unsure what the impact of the escaping plutonium will have, but warn that corrosion could create the proper chemical environment for a massive nuclear chain reaction.

In 1994, electromagnetic interference (EMI) from a nearby cellular telephone captivated a power wheelchair at a scenic vista in Colorado, sending the passenger over a cliff.

More people working in advertising died on the job in 1996 than died while working in petroleum refining.


Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't
mean they don't love you with all they have.

Jim and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they
were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into
the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna
promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim

When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act, she
immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now
considered her to be mentally stable.. When she went to tell Edna the
news she said, "Edna, I have good news and bad news.
The good news is you're being discharged; since you were able to respond
rationally to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of another
patient, I have concluded that your act displays that you have a sound

The bad news is, Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself in the
bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so
sorry, but he's dead."
Edna replied, "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry. How
soon can I go home?"

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Vintage Otafiire: The quotations that made the man

Below is a collection of comments published in press that have been attributed to

On suggestions that he should be arrested for war crimes in DR Congo
I have nothing to worry about. Did you hear of me eating pygmies in DRC? I am a free man and can travel anywhere unless the world is ruled by jungle law.

On what his stage name would be if he were a musician
I can never be a musician at any point or even think about that nonsense. It is below my dignity, my friend. It is a disgrace for me to begin contributing to such topics because it is total rubbish. By the way, do you know who you are talking to? I cannot change my name to such nonsense because I have better things to do other than that rubbish.

On what he remembers about his mother on Mother’s Day
Eeeeh! Mother’s what? What is Mother’s Day? Please, I have told you, if you do not have anything good to do, don’t do it with me, okay? I said do not waste my time (hangs up).

On tax wrangles in Nakawa Division
I heard Bamwine telling people to shun the local government tax. He said it was Otafiire tax. Ye yiko mujinga na mutumbavu kabisa. How can that ignorant man tell people to resist a law that was passed by the Cabinet and Parliament? Who does he think he is? He must watch out.

On the Bible in Parliament
I know where to find Bibles. I can get them in shops but not in Parliament. I have even failed to read all the Bibles I have at home.

On whether he should force UTODA to discipline taxi drivers
I am a minister of local government. I am not a minister of vehicles.

On Kampala LC3 Chairman, Godfrey Nyakana
What is personal between me and Nyakana? If there was, I would have sent the police after him. Appointing a probe means I want him to have a fair hearing. I do not run this ministry like my personal kibanja (land).

On Nyakana’s building in the wetland
You very well know that the only animals that have got the license to live in wetlands are frogs, fish and crocodiles. Nyakana is neither a fish nor a crocodile. What was he doing there to complain that Otafiire has demolished his building? What was his house doing in the wetland? Is Nyakana a frog?

On media reports that he snubbed NRM retreat to Kyankwanzi
What the Red Pepper has been writing is utter rubbish! Typical pit latrine stuff that should be treated with the contempt it deserves.

“Your name is being dragged into Kampala ’s problems...”
Surely, if my name was not dragged in, it would mean that I was idle. I am the man in charge of local government. But the fact that my name is dragged into it does not mean that the allegations are correct. It is those wrongdoers who don’t want me to interfere who accuse me.

On bush war heroes who have fallen out with the NRM
The motives of mankind are less transparent than the emotions they produce.

On standing surety for Muhwezi
Yes, he is my friend. Even if he had committed murder and was condemned to death, I would still take him his last meal. That does not mean I share his innocence or guilt.

On Obugabe for Banyankole
Those who say that “there is no bugabe, we are going to die”, you die. There is a big lake here, you go jump into it. Mugabe’s grandfather ruled my grandfather by force, not by consent. This is an age of democracy; you want to be king, let’s hold an election, you beat me, you become king, I beat you, then I take over. I am also going to crown myself Ishabaruhinda because Ruhinda is my constituency.

On Baganda clamouring for federo
You have been here without federo, aren’t you alive? If you want to die, die. Why don’t you die for something worthwhile?

Rapping federo and district agitators
We are here wailing for federo and more districts, when Europeans are merging to form bigger blocs. Africans are obsessed with small chiefdoms, small ideas and small women. The other day, someone was threatening to eat skeletons if he was not given a district.

On reports that he owned a plot in a wetland
Am I a frog or do I look like a crocodile to live in a wetland? I have no plot in a wetland as claimed. In 1991 when I was still in the army in Bombo, the late Serugendo, the then Kampala Town Clerk, identified a plot for me in Bugolobi but I was not aware it was in the wetland. In any case, I never followed it up. If it is still there, then whoever is interested in it should take it.

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