Monday, August 22, 2011

Some stupid questions ppl ask these days;

1. When people see you lying down, with your eyes closed they still ask:- Are you sleeping?
A: No! I'm training to die?:)

2. When It's raining and someone notices you going out, they ask: - Are you going out in this rain?
A: No,in the next one.:|

3. Your friend calls your home phone:- Where are you?
A: At the bus stop!:/ :D

4. They see you wet coming out from the bathroom:- Did you just have a bath?
A: No, I fell in the toilet bowl!8-| :D

5. You are standing right in front of the elevator on the ground floor and they ask:- Going up?
A: No, no, I am waiting for my office to come down and get me.>:O >:O >:OX_X

6. Your boyfriend comes to your house with a bunch of flowers. And you still ask him:- are those Flowers?
A: No baby! They r Carrots.:* =D

7. You're in the toilet when someone knocks on the door asking: - Is anyone in there?
A: No! Na SHIT lock d door!:D?=))

8. You're in the queue to buy tickets @ the cinema, a friend sees u & asks:- what are u doing here?
A: I'm here to pay my school fee =))

Wishing u fulfilled and fun filled day.

Kyoka Blondes!!

I knew a blonde that was so stupid that.......

* she called me to get my phone number.

* she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said "concentrate."
* she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.

*she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.

*she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.

*she tried to drown a fish.

*she thought a quarterback was a refund.

*she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.

*she tripped over a cordless phone.

*she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.

*she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.

*she studied for a blood test.

*she thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.

*when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.

*when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.

*when she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left" she turned around and went home

Email Etiquette

Sunday, August 21, 2011

Upgrade Your Life: Revive a dying laptop battery

Laptop battery wearing down? In this week's episode of Upgrade Your Life, Yahoo! News' Becky Worley shows us how to help batteries last longer ... and what to do when they run out!

First, the basics

Most laptops use batteries that can last for 3-5 years, or about 1000 charges. (A premium laptop's battery might last longer.) Every time you charge your battery, the total capacity of the battery is diminished. Originally it may have had a run time of 3.5 hours, but after a year it'll run out of juice at 3 hours, even on a full charge.

If your battery capacity has diminished, there are a few things you can do about it. First, you have to correctly gauge how much capacity has been lost. There are free downloads to do this job, like Battery Bar (for Windows PCs) or Coconut Battery (for Macs). These will compare your battery's current maximum capacity to how long it lasted when it was new.
(UPDATE- we originally recommended Battery Eater and while the program works great, their download site has been compromised and we are recommending an alternate program, Battery Bar downloadable from CNET.)

Calibrating your Battery

You can't miraculously reconstitute your battery's capacity. It loses power over time due to chemical reactions taking place in the battery, as it chugs along powering your laptop. You can't undo those changes, but there is one common battery issue you can fix: In many laptops, the operating system's battery meter gets out of sync with how much juice the battery actually has.

Imagine if the gas gauge on your car dashboard was misreading how much gas you actually had in the tank. You'd either run out of gas when you thought you had a quarter of a tank left, or you'd be filling up too frequently. In your laptop, this can mean your laptop shuts down abruptly when the meter says you have 30 minutes left. Or else the meter might warn that you only have 2 minutes of battery life left and shut your laptop down, when it really has another 20 minutes remaining.

Recalibrating gets the battery meter to correctly read the current state of the battery, so you and the operating system know where you stand with existing battery life.

How to recalibrate

First, charge your laptop's battery to full, and leave it that way for at least two hours. Then unplug your laptop, and set its power management settings to never turn off or lower the monitor brightness. (HP has instructions for how do to this on Windows 7 and Vista, as well as Windows XP, while Apple has instructions for Mac laptops on their site.)

You want to drain the battery completely, then let your laptop sit for at least five hours this way -- like, say, overnight. (Just be careful and mute the volume, since some laptops make a warning sound when they're about to run out.) Afterwards, charge it up again, and you should notice a more accurate portrayal of your battery capacity. In some cases, you may even get more life out of it.

Best practices to maintain battery life

You'd think that the best way to keep your laptop's battery from wearing out is to not use it. Right?

As it turns out, batteries are like muscles; they need to be worked out regularly to stay healthy. Ideally, you'd use your laptop unplugged at least once a day, like on a train or bus commute or on the couch in front of the TV. If you're not going to use it, constantly charging your battery is a bad idea; HP recommends on their website that if you're going to leave your laptop plugged in or put up in storage for more than two weeks, you should take the battery out of your laptop.

Past the expiration date

So when is it time to throw out that old battery? The answer, surprisingly, is "never." Laptop batteries contain lots of toxic chemicals, and should never end up in landfills. Fortunately, has a list of environmentally responsible recyclers that will take your old battery with no fuss.

When is it time to replace your battery, then? Use the free utility apps Becky mentioned, and when they say that your battery can only hold around 25% of its original capacity it's probably time for a new one. You can buy a replacement battery from the original laptop manufacturer, and there are plenty of places online that sell discounted PC laptop batteries, like Laptops for Less and Owners of newer Mac laptops can get their laptop's non-removable battery swapped out at any Apple store, with a scheduled appointment.

Thursday, August 18, 2011

Classic Geography!


Between 18 and 25
A woman is like Africa:
Wild, naturally beautiful and full of mysterious,fertile deltas.

Between 26 and 34
A woman is

America: Well-developed and open for trade, especially for those with stacks of money.

Between 35 and 44

A woman is like

India : Sensual, relaxed, in full bloom, aware of her beauty.

Between 45 and 54

A woman is like France : Deliciously mature, still
a pleasant destination to visit.

Between 55 and 60

A woman is like

Yugoslavia : A lost war, haunted by the mistake s of the past. Major reconstruction work is mostly the only answer.

Between 61 and 65
A woman is

Russia : Vast with undefined frontiers. The cold climate puts off any potential visitors.

Between 66 and 70

A woman is like

Mongolia : A glorious past, great conquests, but without a future.

After 70
A woman is likeAfghanistan
or the north pole: Many know its whereabouts, but no one dares to venture there......


Between 15 and 90: A man is like Zimbabwe : Ruled by a dick.....

Saturday, August 13, 2011


Please pardon me for this unedited text. I could not run a spell check on Seya's speech because it would `lose meaning.'

During An Interview
PRESS: Mr Seya, a lot has been said accusing you of crossing to NRM. What's your take?

SEYA: You know when many insects are walking, one off is kaasa so am kaasa (meaning eyawukana ko mugendo efuuka kaasa}

PRESS: Seya, thank God you are still alive. What do you want to say about your sickness?

SEYA: It's none of my business. My doctors talk for my disease. I do not die because I fear the coffin.

PRESS: I thought Muslims are not buried in coffins?

SEYA: You are not the one who born me (to mean you didn't produce me). My busiiramu doesn't touch on you.

PRESS: Why had you refused to talk to the press?

SEYA: I'm still too dead to talk to the press now
His Quotes During the elections
"The erection of the president is determined by the women because they are the majority"

About how Mao cheated him during DP primaries; -"He cheated on me during voting of erections, he used children to erect him, and when I ask him, he says those are the bakonjo pigmies from the country of Kasese. Otherwise it was insobokable (kyali tekisoboka) for him to won."
During his fights with Mabikke;- "I don't know his father and not even his parents"

Questioned whether he was born in Kampala City;- "No, no I was born here in Kampala; in Kisaasi, just 3km ago (for 3km away)."

When he started his own party; "First, I will make a speech in English then in our local government (to mean local language)"

Asked whether he was of age to stand for President, "Mr Mayor, are you 63 yrs old"? No, no, no, am not sixty fili. My mother born me in 1947 and …aaahh…that makes me sixty fili yrs. Yes, you are right."

His experiences during the presidential campaign tours -During the presidential campaign tours, the man didn't disappoint, he threw everyone in rib cracking laughter. Like when he was told to address the people of Akokoro and how happy he was to see them excited to meet Museveni, this is what he said: "I am surprising you are very many and am happy that we are being happy times. Because the other time I came, we were condolences." Did he want to say they were mourning the last time he was there? Hmnnn

His relationship with Desire Luzinda:-Leave us alone because those are our private parts. We can't share them in pubic.

About his life at Oxford University; -"You know at foxford, soxford, fosord…until the interviewer stepped in to help.

When asked who stopped him while he was driving;- "Can you imagine the police man who stopped me is even a woman?"

When he came late for a conference; "Hajji nga you are late?
Seya; You know we had a punctual (read puncture) because the ball of the car burst on the way.

While parked at a certain place with a parking notice that read "Vehicle parked at owner's Risk". Then he was trying to give directions for someone who wanted to meet him. Instead Seya told him "Find me here parked at Owners Risk." Heheh

Friday, August 12, 2011

Who Is An Alcoholic or Drug Addict?

Most alcoholics or drug addicts will attempt any number of self score tests to determine whether they are alcoholic or not, but because of their problems with cognition, they fail to come to a logical and satisfactory conclusion. Well, I designed my own perfect self test questionnaire for anyone who wants to establish whether they are addicts or not:

Have You Ever Done What?

1. Have you ever woken up in the evening and thought that it was morning?

2. Have you ever found yourself going somewhere, but did not know where you were going?

3.Have you ever tried to move forward, but instead ended up moving backwards?

4. Has the ground ever risen slowly and slummed you in the face?

5.Have you ever woken up in the morning and wondered as to whether you had eaten supper the previous night?

6. Have you ever found out that you have many friends but who you don't know?

7. Have you ever caught yourself talking rapidly, but couldn't quite figure out what you were saying?

8 Has any of your limb/s demonstrated the tendency to move on its own accord without your consent?

9. does your face in the mirror scare you sometimes?

10. Have you ever forgotten where you are?

11. Have you ever hopelessly slummed your face into your plate?

12. Have you ever seen animals which are unknown to human science at its every best: blue leopards, pink hippopotamus, yellow elephants, orange dogs, 8 legged monkeys, snakes with feet, bearded cockroaches, or lizards in business suits?

13. Have you ever wondered what that terrible stench hovering every where was, or why it was following you, only to discover that it was you?

14. Have you ever found yourself where you don't know, with people you don't know?

15. Is everyone against you?

16. Have you ever lost your shoe when you were still walking?

17. Have you ever slept in your bed, only to wake up by the roadside?

18. Do you sometimes wish that you were not you?

19. Have you ever wound yourself going to the very place where you are wanted D.O.A, but continued to go there anyway?

20. Do you hear people who are not there? May be cops?

21. Are you most active at night?

22. Have you ever found yourself in another person's bed, and couldn't tell how you got there?

23. Or, have you ever found another person in your bed and couldn't tell how they got there?

24. Do you habitually disobey yourself- do exactly what you don't want to do?

25. Does your immovable bed spin when you are asleep?

26. Have you ever lit and smoked your cigarette the other way around (the but)?

27. Have you ever promised to do what you don't remember?

28. Have you ever feared your own socks?

29. Have you ever found out that you don't know why you do what you are doing?

30. Have you ever attended a wedding party, but later discovered that it was a funeral and you didn't know the dead people?

31. Have you ever invited yourself to a function where no one knew you?

32. Are you always ready to quit tomorrow?

Score: If you have answered yes to any of these questions, then you are al alcoholic or drug addict.

Thursday, August 11, 2011

How The Dutch Stay Slim

Nutritionist Mandy Dunlop reveals eight secrets which help the Dutch keep the bulge at bay.

What is it about the Dutch and their great love of fattening food? If they are not nibbling on deep fried meat rolls they are happily scoffing down fat sodden ‘oliebollen'. Yet judging by their slim figures, they effortlessly manage to ward off the bulge. The Dutch after all, are one of the least obese populations in Europe. So what are their slimming secrets? As an expat nutritionist, I went on a mission to find out:

1. Portion Control

The Dutch love greasy foodstuff but have cleverly mastered eating in moderation. You will rarely see supersize portions served in restaurants here and one will often come away from a meal feeling satisfied as opposed to ‘'stuffed''. Indeed, portion control is a fundamental tool to weight management in the Netherlands. Unlike America and the UK, who have progressively adopted a

‘go large' approach to eating, the Dutch are still a good few years behind in these food trends.

2. Milking the benefits

Dutch people like to drink milk, a lot! Luckily, milk is a healthy choice if you are attempting to lose weight. Not only is milk low in calories, but also an excellent source of calcium, vitamin D and protein which have all been linked to weight loss. In fact, recent research has shown that frequent consumption of low fat milk helps reduce body fat in both men and women. Flavoured

milk such as chocolate and coconut are favourites with the Dutch and available fat free (0% vet).

3. Guilt-free snacks

Although the Dutch might have you believe that they eat only deep fried snacks, this is normally only a weekend indulgence. To stay in control of their weight, the Dutch prefer low-fat nibbles; Ontbijtkoek, Dutch ‘'breakfast cake'' is a popular choice. This scrumptious cake can be bought as a sliced snack and with less than 1g of fat per serving, is virtually fat-free. Another popular

bite is the eirkoeken (egg cake). These spongy delights are low in fat and high in protein- ideal for filling you up.

4. Good timing

Unlike other Europeans who traditionally eat their evening meal after 8pm, the Dutch prefer to eat earlier at about 7pm. Although eating late per se is unlikely to result in weight gain, it may however contribute to more rapid fluctuations in blood sugars, ultimately leaving you more susceptible to overeating. So, eating earlier may minimise cravings and help you to make

more sensible food choices.

5. Balanced lunch

Lunch in the Netherlands is usually a quick and light meal at around 12.30pm. A popular choice is cheese and meat layered on fresh bread. This provides a sensible balance of carbohydrates, protein and fat which, in combination, keeps blood sugar levels balanced. Having a portion of good quality protein such as ham or cheese for lunch will also leave you feeling more satisfied and less likely to snack in the afternoon.

6. Coffees not lattes

The Dutch drink a lot of coffee. In fact, after the Scandinavian countries, they are the world's largest consumers. Surprisingly however, there is not a huge selection of coffee choice available here. The Dutch prefer black coffee over commercial lattes and mochas, which is good news for weight-watchers. Black coffee is fat free with only 4 calories per cup whereas lattes can contain up to 300 calories. Perhaps the Dutch were on to something when they named the latte, "koffie verkeerd", meaning "wrong coffee."

7. Cheese please

The Dutch love this stuff. When you consider that Dutch people have been making cheese since 400 AD, it's had little impact on the nation's waistbands. The secret ingredient: calcium. Cheese is a rich source of this essential mineral which has shown in numerous studies to enhance weight loss. Cheese is also a good source of protein which boosts metabolism and can help burn an extra 150-200 calories per day. The key is to eat full fat cheese in moderation and choose low fat varieties whenever possible.

8. Bicycles

The Dutch travel almost everywhere by bike. These two wheeled contraptions are so well

ingrained in Dutch culture that on average, each household owns at least three. Just going

for a gentle 30 minute ride can burn 200 calories and if you're going out for dinner, be sure

to take it along. Research has shown that leisurely cycling after eating turns more of the

consumed calories into heat, resulting in faster weight loss.

Mandy Dunlop is a nutritionist and massage therapist with a nutrition and wellness practice

in Maastricht. She provides one to one nutrition consultations as well as an online nutritional

therapy service. For more information or nutritional advice, you can contact Mandy: or visit:


How to View and Delete Your Location History on Facebook

By  Nancy Messieh, If you have the Facebook mobile app installed on your phone, chances are it’s storing a lot more of your location hi...