Tuesday, August 16, 2016

Don’t Get Married Before Reading This





According to a 2005 study by the University of Pavia in Italy, it lasts about a year. After that, levels of a chemical called "nerve growth factor," which is associated with intense romantic feelings, start to fall.

Helen Fisher, a psychologist and relationship expert, told Business Insider that it's unclear when exactly the "in love" feeling starts to fade, but it does so "for good evolutionary reasons," she said, because "it's very metabolically expensive to spend an awful lot of time just focusing on just one person in that high-anxiety state."




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2014 National Bureau of Economic Research study found that marriage does indeed lead to increased well-being, mainly thanks to friendship.

Controlling for premarital happiness, the study concluded that marriage leads to increased well-being — and it does so much more for those who have a close friendship with their spouses. Friendship, the paper found, is a key mechanism that could help explain the causal relationship between marriage and life satisfaction.




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In multiple studies, couples that actively celebrated good news (rather than actively or passively dismissed it) have had a higher rate of relationship well-being.






Resentment builds quickly in couples who don't tackle chores together.
Over 60% of Americans in one poll said that taking care of chores plays a crucial role in having a successful marriage.
"It's Not You, It's the Dishes" coauthor Paula Szuchman recommends a system where each person specializes in the chores they're best at.
"If you really are better at the dishes than remembering to call the in-laws, then that should be your job,"she writes. "It'll take you less time than it'll take him, and it'll take him less time to have a quick chat with mom than it would take you, which means in the end, you've saved quite a bit of collective time."

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2009 study led by researchers at the University of Denver found that most couples moved in for other reasons besides test-driving their relationship before marriage.


In a recent Psychology Today column, one of the study's authors explains what these findings might mean:





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A 2015 University of Calgary study found that heterosexual undergrads think the average member of the opposite sex has about a 40% chance of cheating on their partner. But those same participants said their own partner had only a 5% chance of cheating.




Couples who appreciate each other are more likely to stay together.
As Business Insider's Erin Brodwin reported, gratitude may be a key to lasting relationships.
In one University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill study, researchers had participants keep private daily diaries in which they recorded things their partner had done for them and how it had made them feel. As it turns out, couples who were more grateful toward each other felt that the relationship was stronger.
Meanwhile, another series of studies, led by a researcher at the University of California, Berkeley, found that more grateful couples were more likely to still be together nine months later.

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"People have to come to terms with the reality that 'we really are different people,'" says Ellyn Bader, a couples therapist. "'You are different from who I thought you were or wanted you to be. We have different ideas, different feelings, different interests.'"




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