Tuesday, March 31, 2015

Beware of chain mails!

As we progress into 2015, I want to thank you for
your educational e-mails over the past year. I am
totally screwed up now and have little chance of recovery.

I can no longer open a bathroom door without  using
a paper towel, nor let the waitress put lemon slices in
my ice water without worrying about the bacteria on
the lemon  peel.

I can't sit down on a hotel bedspread because I  can
only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed.

Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because I
can only imagine how many gallons of trans fats I have
consumed over the years.

I can't touch any woman's  handbag for fear she has placed
it on the floor of a public  toilet.

I must send my special thanks for the email about rat poo 
in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet
sponge with every envelope that needs  sealing.

ALSO,now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for
the same reason.

I can't use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell
like a water buffalo on a hot  day.

Thanks to you I have learned that my prayers only get answered
if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish
within five minutes.

Because of your concern, I no longer drink Coca Cola because 
it can remove toilet  stains.

I no longer buy fuel without taking someone  along to watch the car,
so a serial killer doesn't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.

I no longer use  Cling Wrap in the microwave because it causes 
seven different types of cancer.

And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup of water 
in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face,
disfiguring me for life.

I no longer go to  the cinema because I could be pricked with a 
needle infected with AIDS when I sit down.

I no longer go to shopping  centers because someone will drug 
me with a perfume sample and rob me..

And I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask 
me to dial a number for which I will get a  huge phone bill with
calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore and Uzbekistan.

And thanks to your great advice I can't ever pick up a 
dime coin dropped in the car park X-Spam-Subject: YES X-Spam-Subject: YES because it was  probably
placed there by a sex molester waiting to grab me as I bend over.

I can't do any gardening, because I'm afraid I'll get bitten
by the Violin Spider and my hand will fall off.

Now.......If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in
the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land  
on your head at 5:00 p.m. tomorrow afternoon, and the
fleas  from 120 camels will infest your back, causing you 
to grow a hairy  hump. I know this will occur because it 
actually happened to a  friend of my next door neighbor's 
ex mother-in-law's second  husband's cousin's best friend's 
beautician!  JUST  KIDDING....!

Oh, and by the way...

A German scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy  study, 
has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mails with their hand on the mouse.

Don't  bother taking it off now, it's too late.

P. S. I now keep my  toothbrush in the living room, because 
I was told by e-mail that  water splashes over 6 ft. out
of the  toilet.. 

NOW YOU HAVE YOURSELF A VERY GOOD DAY.

No comments:

13 Essential Gmail Terms and Features You Should Know About

By Akshata Shanbhag Are labels the same as folders? How are both different from categories? You might have questions like these abo...