Laugh...Laugh....And Laugh.....

 Men are very Kind and Women are very Selfish

Wanna Proof??

?

?

?

Most women don't like to help unknown men;

But

All men are ready anytime to help unknown women...

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The 99

If a man is allowed to select

a girl from 100 girls

.

and even if he picks the most

beautiful girl,

.

.

he still FEELS the PAIN of losing the

remaining NINETY NINE...

.

.

.

and

Women say... men don't have

FEELINGS..  

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The Difference

What's the difference between a man a woman ...

A man always has the same DICK between

his legs all his life ...

A woman MAY NOT!!

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Wife = Where R u.?

Husband = I'm At "Bank"

.

Wife  = Wow thats good  I need 200,000  For new  Cell Phone 

 100,000  for new dress , 60000 for new shoes, 40000 for 

new purse, 80,000 for my new cosmetics 

Husband  Sorry , 

I mean 

I am at Blood bank

             

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The Critera for Selection

Male criteria for life partner...

They expect their women to Look like "Miss Universe" and

Work like"house girls..."

Females' criteria for life partner....

 They expect their man to earn like ...Bill Gates

  behave like paupers.

The Kiss

At a dinner party, the speaker who was the guest of honor, 

was about to deliver his speech when his wife sitting at the

 other end of the table, sent him a piece of paper with the

 word “KISS” scribbled on it.

A guest seated next to the speaker said, “Your wife has

 sent you a KISS before you begin your speech. 

She must love you very much.” speaker replied,

...

“You don’t know my wife. 

The letters stand for “Keep It Short, Stupid.”

Dedicated to all couples 

Always keep your wives/husbands picture as mobile screen saver.

 Whenever you face a problem, see the picture say:

 if I can handle this, I can handle anything!

The Lost Rooster

The Priest in a small Irish Village was very fond of Chicken

 he kept in the hen house out the back of the parish manse.

 He had a cock rooster and about ten hens.

One Saturday night the cock rooster went missing and as that

 was the time he suspected cock fights occurred in the village

 he decided to do something about it at church the next morning.

At Mass, he asked the congregation "Has anybody got a cock?"

 - all the men stood up!

"No No" he said "That wasn't what I meant.

 Has anybody seen a cock?" - all the women stood up!!.

"No No" he said "That wasn't what I meant. 

Has anybody seen a cock that doesn't belong to them." -

 half the women stood up!!!!.

"No No" he said "That wasn't what I meant.

 Has anybody seen my cock?" - all the nuns stood up!!!!!.

Running Away From a Cop.

A man in his mid-forties bought a new BMW and was out on the interstate for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair and he decided to see what the engine had. As the needle jumped up to 80 mph, he suddenly saw flashing red and blue lights behind him. “There’s no way they can catch a BMW,” he thought to himself and opened her up further. The needle hit 90, then 100, and finally reality hit him and he knew he shouldn’t run from the police, so he slowed down and pulled over.

The cop came up to him, took his license without a word and examined it and the car. “It’s been a long day, this is the end of my shift and it’s Friday the 13th. I don’t feel like more paperwork, so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that Fast I haven’t heard before, you can go.” The guy thinks for a second and says: “Last week my wife ran off with a cop. I was afraid you were trying to give her back.” “Have a nice weekend,” said the officer, and walked away.

The Professionals

A woman in hot air balloon realized she is lost. She reduced 

altitude shouted to a man below: Excuse me, can you help me?

 I promised a friend to meet him an hour ago 

but I don't know where I am.

Man below replied: You are in hot air balloon 30 feet above 

the ground. You are at 41 degree North latitude

 59 degree West longitude.

Lady: You must be an engineer.

Man: How do you know?

Lady: Everything you told me is technically correct but 

useless the fact is I'm still lost.

Engineer: You must be in Top Management.

Lady: Ya. How do you know?

Engineer: You don't know where you are or where you're going

. You made a promise, which you've no idea how to keep, 

you expect people beneath you to solve your problems..!!

A must read for all working professionals

Differing THOUGHTS

(on the night of the World cup Final)

Couple silent in bed. 

Wife thinks. Why is he not

talking to me? 

Is he thinking of another

woman? 

Is he seeing someone?

Don’t I appeal to him anymore? 

Are wrinkles showing on my

face? 

Is he trying to dump me?

Have I put on weight

Does my make up repel him these days?

Is he upset with my nagging? Why?

Husband thinks: Why the hell did Man U draw with Arsenal... ?

Smart JOE

 Joe was a house keeper who had this habit of drinking from

 his boss’s wine bottle and replacing it with water.  ?

The boss, Sam, did suspect him but tolerated it for a while..

But when this became a daily routine, Sam decided to do

 something to trap Joe. 

So he shouted: "Joe?" 

Joe answered from the kitchen: “Yes boss?” 

Sam: “Who drank my wine and added water in the bottle?”  

There was no answer from the kitchen.  

The boss repeated the question, still no answer.   

The angry boss marched to the kitchen and threatened Joe,

“What the hell is going on? When I call your name you respond

 with ‘Yes Boss’ but when I ask you a question, 

you remain silent. What is this !!!” 

Joe said: “It is like this. In the kitchen, 

you can hear only your name being called..

You don’t hear anything else that is said, I swear.” 

Sam: “How is that possible? All right, I will prove you wrong..

You stay right here in the hall with Madam,

I will go to the kitchen and you ask me a question” 

So the boss went to the kitchen. 

Joe shouted: “Boss?” 

Boss: “Yes Joe?" 

Joe: “Who got the maid pregnant?” 

No reply. 

Joe, yet again: “And who arranged for her abortion?” 

Once again silence.. 

Sam came running from the kitchen and said:

 "you are right Joe. When one is in kitchen,

 one can’t hear anything but one’s name.  That’s bloody strange!”?...

A line written by a Married Man on Olx.com

"A Wedding suit

  for sale, used

  only once by

  "Mistake."

The Workshop

85 Years Old Wise

The old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding

 her hat on tight so that it would not blow off in the wind.

A gentleman approached her and said: “Pardon me, madam.

 I do not intend to be forward, but did you know that your 

dress is blowing up in this high wind?”

“Yes, I know,” said the lady, “I need both hands to hold 

onto this hat.”

 “But, madam, you must know that your privates are exposed!”

 said the gentleman in earnest.

...

The woman looked down, then back up at the man and replied

 “Sir, anything you see down there is 85 years old.

 I just bought this hat yesterday!”

The Accountants Wife

Wife ;Why in marriages Bride is always on the Left??

"Husband reply - According to profit and loss statement a/c all income

 is on right side and expenses are in left side"....