How Ugandan Men Suck!

So many women are sick and tired of Ugandan men

Ugandan women are often overheard using the phrase, “I’m sick and tired of Ugandan men”. It is time for that to be explained in detail. Are Ugandan men really as terrible as some women seem to think they are?

First of all, a man is not Ugandan until he has spent a good portion of his life spending money on women. Not just his girlfriend or his wife. All women, if the opportunity is presented to him.

Brenda Kansiime is a second year student at Kampala International University and confessed that a lot of her meals and night outs are ‘sponsored’ by guys she isn’t seeing and won’t remember after a space of five seconds.

“My roommate is very beautiful and boys are always taking her out”, she explained. “She always takes us out with her and the guys want to impress her, so they include us on the bill”.

Now what kind of man would allow himself to be taken advantage of in this manner? A gentleman? A fool? Neither.

This leads us to another disgusting trait of Ugandan men. That is the solid belief that this lady upon whom they are showering their ‘love and affection’ not only owes them something, but will pay dearly for it in the future as well.

Peter Barigye (not real name) works at a prestigious accountancy firm. What he had to say was shocking to the core.

“This girlfriend of mine thinks I’m stupid, but I’m biding my time”, he assured me. “One night I spent 200,000 shillings on her and her friends and she gratefully told me that now she knows how much ‘I love her’. Just wait until the ring is on her finger. I’m going to leave her in the house to take care of the children and enjoy my other women. That is how women deserve to be treated”.

At least Peter is intending to marry the girl. Others just want sex. Sheila Kagugube recounted an astonishing experience she had when a male friend offered her his house to live in as she was facing dire circumstances. After about six months, it eventually dawned on him that in her eyes, he was ‘just a friend’.

“I came home in the evening, and it was raining”, she recalled, still visibly shocked by what she found.

“This man had thrown all my property out of the house. Out of the gate! My laptop, my television, my clothing, everything was out there in the rain, and in the open for anyone to pick”.

This is just an example of how Ugandan men do not regard women as independent-thinking human beings but as property to be used and disposed of at will.

Let’s talk marriage, for instance. A man will not marry a woman for her fine intellect. Oh no. That may be what he thinks but he and the woman in question are actually deluded. Like the proverbial African male, he will look for someone who is ‘presentable’ to his family. Nice and healthy, with hips big enough to ensure that the eventuality of bearing children is attainable.

Prossy, a very skinny and plain looking girl from Northern Uganda, had been dating a lawyer for three years, but had always wondered why she never met his family or his friends. She always felt like she was being kept in the closet. She turned out to be right on point when she learned he was marrying a tall, brown and buxom Munyankore girl.

“I confronted him, and can you imagine what he told me?” Prossy lamented. “He said there was no way in the world he could take someone like me to meet his mother. But he said he loved the way I ‘thought’ and could we still remain lovers in secret”?

Unfortunately, women are not viewed as trophy objects in romantic relationships alone. It even happens in familial ones. A woman has the responsibility to do as her family wants or she will be deemed a disgrace and disowned. It is always harder on the girl than the boy when any ‘misbehavior’ occurs.

Here’s the perfect example. What happens when a young man announces he has gotten a girl pregnant? To the man, apart from a few vague complaints about the extra financial expense, nothing! The girl however, faces an entirely different scenario.

Jane learned she was pregnant in the final year of her university studies. Despite her mother’s pleas, her father, who ironically enough is a pastor, threw her out of the house. She lived for a year and a half on the charity of friends and her child frequently fell ill because she could not afford to give it the nutrition it needed.

“After all that suffering, I eventually got a very well paying job”, she bitterly remembered. “When my father realized how much I could contribute to the family financially, he welcomed me back. But I only agreed for the sake of my mother. Because of my father, I shall always look at men skeptically”.

One cannot talk about the bad habits of Ugandan men without taking into account the fact that they seem to think the bodies of all women are there to fondle as they please. This is in reference to taxi drivers, conductors, market vendors and a few fools in the corporate structure.

Lillian was in a taxi one day, seated next to the driver when he suddenly and deliberately put his hand all the way up her skirt, attempting to stroke her private parts.

“I was livid and my first reaction was to beat him to within an inch of his life”, she complained. “But I knew that if I did so, the other men would attack me. No one in Uganda understands the depth of sexual assault. Women are expected to accept it or complain just a little”.

Lillian was lucky. Melanie is an American who used to live in Uganda. One fateful day, she used a boda boda to take her home. The rider raped her right outside her gate before quickly taking off. The rape alone was not enough to traumatize Melanie.

“I called a friend to drive me to the police station, because I knew the stage where I had gotten the rider”, she said. “The police asked me why I had been out at two in the morning”.

Melanie broke down and left the station in tears. In a week, she had left Uganda, and has vowed never to return.

And then there are the men whose mamas didn’t teach them the merits of handling their business. These men are clueless about the knowledge that it is primarily their job to provide for their families, get off their behinds and do some work and show an example. One needs to interview no one for this. Newspaper stories are rife with reports of women bringing in all the money and the men squandering it on drink. Or a wife cooking food and the husband beating, or even killing, her and the children for taking the ‘good piece of meat’. Or any of the meat for that matter.

A few days ago, I passed a garbage pickup truck and people shoveling the garbage from the heap onto the truck. Two women were working, and the men were resting under a tree. Twenty minutes later, I passed by and the women were bitterly quarrelling with the men for letting them do all the work. The men’s response was typical: “Do you know there are African tribes where only the women work? Show some respect for us and remember your roots”.

Obviously these chaps are good fans of the Congo pygmies’ societal ‘roots’, where women do all the carrying of heavy loads when any journey is to be undertaken.

Phillip is a biologist who believes that Ugandan men take being simple minded to a whole new level. “I have a lot of friends who are unable to save and plan for even just one rainy day”, he asserted. “They also lack discipline and the ability to see things through to the end. In short, I doubt the number of ‘Steve Jobs’ we can get out of these lazy chaps”.

John, an architect with a local firm concurred. In his opinion Ugandan men are kind and honorable. The problem with that is they are also reserved, shy and lack the distinct ability to speak up and grab what they want.

“A little aggression, especially in the market place, is important”, insisted John. “Just check out service delivery in Kenya. It’s, ‘I want this NOW’. No ‘ifs’, ‘buts’ or ‘whens’.”

Let’s sign off with the most glaring, most annoying thing about Ugandan men. So much so that there is only so much one can write about it.

Why are HIV infections spreading among married couples today? Because Ugandan men do not even have the decency to use a condom when they cheat.

And look at our ‘celebrities’: Ghetto President Bobi Wine having a child with another woman while publicly romantically tied to his soon-to-be wife, Barbie. Sad.

Ugandan men can give cheating men all over the world a run for their money. Over and out.

by Lindsey Kukunda

From the forum of Ugandans at Heart!