Parenting made easy?

You know you are getting old when...!

Saturday, a close friend of mine invited me to give a keynote address on parenting. And eh eh...of all people! I realized I was one of the elders. I am one of those Ugandans who has children in the Netherlands. My friend, Christine van de Pluijm had become a grandmother for the fourth time. The function took place in Amsterdam South East at Ganzenhoef near the Metro Station.

Her son Felix van de Pluijm and his girlfriend, Urunela from Croatia had on 26 January 2010 had a baby girl they named Esther Akello. It was as if they were commemorating the NRM day by appropriately calling the baby Esther, the late Museveni’s mother’s name.

The moderator was the evergreen Iris Shiripinda. She made the function memorable by her hilarious quips. The function was supposed to start at 6.00pm, but due to logistical problems started much later. Ibra Ndaula and myself were on time, but because the event was yet to begin, went away to attend to other duties. By the time we returned, many of the speeches had been made.

When I was asked to make my presentation, I was all ready. I had jotted some few lines on a piece of paper. However, the parent in me denied me the opportunity to consult my notes. I just shared my experience with the group. My experience of parenting both in Uganda and in Europe.

I began with advising the couple to lead their children by example of good deeds and live a principled life. I explained the difference between parenting in Africa and Europe using personal experience. I gave an example of how parents in Africa leave parenting to servants. Children start calling servants uncles or aunts. This comes about because of the little time they have with their parents.

This is quite different in the Netherlands where parents are directly responsible for the wellbeing of their children. Because of the unaffordableness of servants, parents have to do all the domestic chores. When my children had just joined me, they wondered why we didn’t fly in one of the servants we had to help with these chores! They were not ready at first to participate.

Further in my presentation, I labored to explain what makes a child happy – loving and being loved. I added that happiness comes from a happy family. A kid can be happy only if the entire family is happy. I advised the new parents to ensure that their daughter feels connected to the family, to friends, neighbors, friends, daycare staff and even pets. This is good for emotional wellbeing and is a key to happiness. The feeling of being loved, understood, wanted, acknowledged etc is the biggest protection against emotional distress and risky behavior, which leads to smoking, drinking and drug abuse, I explained.

I finalized by advising the new parents not to assume that happiness of a child can be bought or that you can bribe a child to be happy. Children absorb happiness from parents. Happy parents, have happy children. Depressed parents have depressed children. Relaxed parents who openly romance infect their children with happiness, I ended.