Some jokes to brighten your week

Priest and his flock

A young girl went to get mangoes from a mango tree near a church. She climbed up the tree and in the process She attracted the attention of the Pastor who came out and looked up the tree to find out what was going on. The pastor discovered that the girl up the tree did
not have her pants on; he looked away in pity and called her to climb down. He gave her 2000/- and told her

"Tell your mum to buy you underpants".

At home the little girl gave the money to her mum and told her  the whole story; The mum was impressed at the kindness of the pastor but then she thought

"If my little girl can be given 2000/- to buy underpants, what about a big woman like me?."

The next morning this woman decided to climb the mango tree
 without underpants. When the pastor shouted at her to climb down underpants and so she descended expectantly hoping to be given a lot of money since she was bigger than her daughter. 

On the ground, to her astonishment the pastor gave her 50/- and
 told Her "GO BUY YOURSELF A RAZOR".

Blind man and a fork 

A blind man walks into a little restaurant and sits down. The owner, 
walks up to him and hands him a menu. 
 
"I'm sorry, sir, but I am blind and can't read the menu. Just bring me
a fork used by a previous customer. I'll smell it and order from
there."
 
A little confused, the owner walks over to the dirty dish pile and 
picks up a greasy fork. He returns to the man's table and hands it to
him. The blind man puts the fork to his nose and takes in a deep breath. 
 
"Ah,yes, that's what I'll have--meatloaf and mashed potatoes." 
 
Unbelievable, the owner thinks as he walks towards the kitchen and 
tells his wife Gladys, the cook, what just happened. The blind man eats and leaves. 
 
Several days later, the blind man returns and the owner mistakenly 
brings him a menu again. 
 
"Sir, remember me? I'm the blind man." 
 
"I'm sorry! I didn't recognize you. I'll go get you a fork." 
 
The owner retrieves a dirty fork and brings it to the blind man. 
After another deep breath, the blind man says, "That smells great. 
I'll take the macaroni and cheese with broccoli." Walking away in disbelief, the owner thinks the blind man is screwing  around with him and tells his wife Gladys that the next time the blind man comes in she going to test him. 
 
He returns the following week, but this time the owner sees him coming
and runs to the kitchen. He tells his wife, "Gladys, rub this fork on your panties before I take it to the blind man." Gladys complies and hands her husband the fork. 
 
As the blind man walks in and sits down, the owner is ready and waiting.
 
Good afternoon, sir, this time I remembered you and I have your fork 
ready for you." The blind man puts the fork to his nose, sniffs, and says, "Hey, I didn't know Gladys worked here!"
 

Kenyan in Toronto

A Kenyan friend of mine sent me this letter from Toronto, Canada. The Kenyan in him still persists as you can see below:

Harro Bwana!

 I am very distabedi by the Horribo traffic situashon in Toronto . Fasti of all, they is not a singo Foriceman to be seen directing tha pipo on tha streetis. To make mattas even warse, they are so many cars on the rods, that tha whore prace rooks rike a farking rot.

A'laa ! Then you have those pipo who think they own the rods; justi breakin all the rules and zooming around rike nobodies business. A'yee! Bati....the wasti are those Chinese pipo. They are soooo srow, andi even they cannot see ova their dashboard,and theya eyes are orways crozedi.... haki ya mungu...so they see nothing. Who-thaa- herr-gave-them-a-Ricence.

The otha sro pipo...are the grandmaddas. Wot business do they have on tha rods at that age. They should just stay at home and tha world would be a quicka prace. I have to sa y something about those cerr phone u sa s in tha cars. The car is for driving and not for talking to your laved ones on tha terraphone. If you reary want to talk to those pipo then take them in tha car with you and talk to them.

Then I see those pipo ngoing Haiti when the speed rimit sa ys Zickesty. What the herr is orr the rush or, you can kir sa mone, you know? Then you have those pipo ngoing haiti on the highway when tha speed rimit is one Ma sa i (100).

I wanda if they thi nk they are ngoing to they Ghand Faddas funerol. Move it you nguys! But the biggest prize has to go to those ferros on the bicykols. They think that just becoz they have a Brack Mamba that they can weave ini andi outi of tha traffic rike a Brack Mamba snake. Risten cayafoorry you nguys:"you are not a snake", repit afta me "you are not a snake". If I catch any of you doing it again I wirr be forced to run you ova rike a rat.You know my Anko is a Foriceman, I can get away with it.

OOps I think I have sa id too machi". Prease mista minista do something about this Horribo situashon.Haya...Kwaheri sa sa .
Nelson Kichwagumu.

HAHAHAHAHAH hope you enjoyed yourself