The New Kikuyu Alphabet

Image: http://wanjuguna.blogspot.com/2008/02/shocking-pictures-of-kikuyu-man.html

Last April when I travelled to Thika in Kenya for business. Thika is a market town in Central Province, Kenya, lying about 40 km north of Nairobi, lying on the banks of Thika River. I was told there were 2 explanations for the name Thika. One has its origin in the Kikuyu word guthika, meaning "to bury".  During a great drought, the Maasai ventured outside of their normal territories looking for water for their huge herds of cattle. Two rivers pass through Kikuyu land, the Thika and Chania, both providing sustenance for the agricultural Kikuyu.  With this water in contention, and both tribes desperate for survival, they fought a bloody battle that left few survivors.  

A mound, near Blue Posts Hotel supposedly is where the dead warriors were buried.

The other explanation comes from the Maasai word sika, meaning "rubbing something off an edge".  In addition, the area was originally inhabited by the Akamba tribe. Towards the end of the 19th Century outsiders began to settle in this outpost, a convenient resting spot between Nairobi and upcountry for British settlers.  Europeans and Asians began to stop and remain at Thika, the former setting up farms, and the latter setting up shops. 

During my interaction with the people of Thika, I almost thought they were speaking Gikuyu. I realised their alphabet is different from the standard one.  I noted that it went like this:

A for Hunderwear  (Underwear)

B for Mbushit (Bullshit)

C for Ceenaki (Snake)

D for Ndambiliu (W)

E for Heating (Eating)

F for Fanjina (Vagina)

G for Ngonjias (Gorgeous)

H for Oni (Horny)

I for Iccups (Hiccups)

J for Njuis (Juice)

K for Kino

L for Lembo (Label)

M for Mbulo (Bro)

N for Ngilini (Green)

O for Hombit (Orbit)

P for Facking (Parking_

Q For Kwinine (Quinine)

R for Lais (Rice)

S for Sonja (Soldier)

T for Tomu (Tom)

U for Yulaino (Urinal)

V for Fengetemos (Vegetables)

W for Sii “Ndi” (see D above)

X for Enzel (Excel)

Y for Whae (Why)

Z for Nzekisi (Sexy)

Hillarious, don’t you think so too?