The Gulu Internet experience

While in Gulu I was directed to their newest and best Internet café in town. I visited them and asked for an hour of Internet use. An hour costs shs 1,500/- (50 Euro cent equivalent!). I was allocated a place and I tried to log on my Yahoo. It was possible to establish how much time each action took by looking at the remaining time of my allocation. It took me 15 minutes to open yahoo, another 15 minutes to log on and 10 minutes to open my first email!

I complained to the supervisor and he added me 30 minutes. Out of the 200 emails in my inbox, I was able to read not more than 10. I paid for an extra hour, but the exercise was so painful that I decided to abandon the money and go to bed instead.

The next day I visited the café at try again early in the morning. It was a bit faster, but the electricity was so unreliable. It kept going off and there was no back up. I asked them why they didn’t use a generator and they explained that they owned one, but it was too expensive to run. I sympathized with Internet users who where writing mail or working on some documents. Once power goes off, all work is lost then they had to go through that painful experience of starting up the computer, opening the Internet, logging on…..and so forth.

People of Gulu, you will be in my prayers for the seacom cable to get there to enable you enjoy faster Internet speeds. Good luck

Uhuru Pilau sucks

When I returned from Gulu yesterday, I went straight to my friend Sam Ntende’s office. I found Sam who usually attires in formal clothing relaxed at his office. He is an attorney. It was late afternoon and we were all hungry. He asked me if I wanted to eat and I asked to be taken to Uhuru’s restaurant to eat his famous pilau. Pilau is spiced up rice usually with fried meat.

I had read so much about Uhuru restaurant and the pilau. Reports said it had nice pilau, chapati (flat bread) and fresh juice are his trademark servings. And that should one have such a meal from Uhuru, you can be sure to be full for the rest of the day and no need for supper. It is a nice way to save for most folks. The restaurant is near Standard Chartered Bank down town. Price is about 3,500/-. (One euro) Given the price it is not easy to get where to sit.

It took us about 5 minutes to walk from Sam’s office to the restaurant. It is somewhere upstairs surrounded by shops. The restaurant lacks ambience and is dusty. The expectation of a wonderful meal keeps your appetite good. One first pays at the counter then takes a seat. Shortly thereafter, the food is brought to your table. That was my first disappointment. Food served that fast is most times not good.

The pilau is served on a flattish plate with different sections. There was a section for sauce, pepper, greens and the rice. The rice was cold and oily without any meat. I am not a good cook, but the rice I cook has a better taste. The ‘hot’ pepper was not hot at all. The cutlery was nothing to write home about. To cut the long story short, I was very much disappointed with everything at the restaurant.

How to select a wife

Subject: Who to marry

Date: Mon, 7 Jun 2004 14:04:49 +0300

Jim has three girlfriends, but he doesn't know which one to
marry. So he decides to give each one $5,000.00 and see how
each of them spends it.

The first one goes out and gets a total makeover with the
money. She gets new clothes, a new hairdo, manicure, pedicure,
the works, and tells Jim, "I spent the money so I could look
pretty for you because I love you so much."

The second one went out and bought new golf clubs, a CD player,
a television, and a stereo and gives them to the man. She says,
"I bought these gifts for you with the money because, Jim, I
love you so much."

The third one takes the $5,000.00 and invests it in the stock
market, doubles her investment, returns the $5,000.00 to the
man and reinvests the rest. She says, "Jim, I am investing the
rest of the money for our future because I love you so much."

So Jim thought long and hard about how each of the women spent
the money, and decided to marry the one with the biggest tits.

Filipino Enviromentaly Friendly Taxis

Rib breakers

WIFE VS.. HUSBAND 


A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, 'Relatives of yours?' 'Yep,' the wife replied, 'in-laws.' 



W O R D S 


A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000. The wife replied, 'The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men... The husband then turned to his wife and asked, 'What?' 



CREATION 


A man said to his wife one day, 'I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time. ' The wife responded, 'Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you! 



WHO DOES WHAT 


A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, 'You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee.' The husband said, ' You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee.' Wife replies, 'No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee.' Husband replies, 'I can't believe that, show me.' So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says..........'HEBREWS' 



The Silent Treatment 


A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment... Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, 'Please wake me at 5:00 AM.' He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.' Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests. 



God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiec

Almere 2009 – 2018: shifting towards a cultural city

Migration and, more specifically, the challenges of social cohesion are some of the more important issues facing 'new town' Almere. Almere, which is a great example of 70's utopianism, is shifting from an adolescent to a more mature and fully grown city. Like many young European cities, Almere is looking for its cultural identity. This 'new town', created from scratch by engineers and administrators, is still 'developing' its softer, more cultured side. This project (Almere 2018) outlines briefly matters that needed to be addressed and includes ideas and genuine changes for creating culture in new towns. It describes both its recent and archeological history.

An account is also given of the Seven Almere Principles which serve as guidelines for the development of a sustainable city of the future. William McDonough, ‘the famous Cradle to Cradle architect’, was flown into Almere in the spring of 2008 for the purpose of helping out on the sustainability side of things. Finally, this project sums up, in retrospect, the various phases a young city goes through from an organisational point of view: from pioneering to integration. The initiative to put Almere forward as a viable nominee for the European Capital of Culture in 2018 will perhaps give the town a higher purpose in this integrational phase. Almere has to overcome a lot of challenges. The main motivation behind the idea of the Cultural Capital bid is to crown the next ten years of 'municipal strengthening on the cultural front' with a showcase of what can be achieved from 2010 to 2018. Culture is the spice of life: No culture, no society. Getting 'new town' people acquainted with culture (both passively and actively) at the earliest possible stage when starting a new town will make this a better place for its inhabitants.

Since its foundation in 1975, Almere is the largest and most rapidly growing new town in the Netherlands. With the realization that the building of a city comes first and progress toward a vital municipal community second, much value has been attached to well thought-out urban planning design, architectural experiments and also the city’s social structure, since construction started in 1975. With 187,000 inhabitants, Almere is one of the largest cities in the Netherlands; the population is expected to double by 2030. It’s task is to position itself as a fully-fledged city with its own modern image, in the economically powerful region around Amsterdam. The residents have started an initiative Almere2018 to prepare Almere for nomination as European Capital of Culture in 2018.

English summary from http://www.almere2018.eu/home_en

Cans of worms?

A pastor decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon.

Four worms were placed into four separate jars.

The first worm was put into a container of alcohol.

The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke.

The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup.

The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean soil.

At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported the following results:

The first worm in alcohol - Dead.

The second worm in cigarette smoke - Dead.

Third worm in chocolate syrup - Dead.

Fourth worm in good clean soil - Alive.

So the Minister asked the congregation - What can you learn from this demonstration?

A little old woman in the back quickly raised her hand and said,
"As long as you drink, smoke and eat chocolate, you won't have worms!"

Don't you just love little old ladies????

The Problem of Basoga Men

Why men are ever happy

WHY MEN ARE NEVER DEPRESSED:

Men Are Just Happier People-- What do you expect from such simple creatures?

Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours.

Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can be President. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another petrol station toilet because this one is just too dirty,just stand at the door and aim!. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress 5000. Tux rental-100.

People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.

New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.

One mood all the time.!

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.

You know stuff about trucks..

A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars.

You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.

Your underwear is shs.350 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.

You almost never have strap problems in public.

You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.

Everything on your face stays its original color.

The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.

You only have to shave your face and neck.

You can play with toys all your life.

One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons.

You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.

You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes!

No wonder men are happier.

Classic Definitions & Cool Meanings:

1. Cigarette: A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool at the other.

2. Love affairs: Something like cricket where one-day internationals are more popular than a  five day test.

3. Marriage: It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master

4. Divorce: Future tense of marriage

5. Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either".

6. Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

7. Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.

8. Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water-power ..

9. Dictionary: A place where divorce comes before marriage.

10. Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens & everybody disagrees later on.

11. Ecstasy: A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before.

12. Classic: A book which people praise, but do not read.

13. Smile: A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

14. Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

15. Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.

16. Etc: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

17. Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.

18. Experience: The name men give to their mistakes.

19. Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.

20. Philosopher: A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.

21. Diplomat: A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.

22. Opportunist: A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.

23. Optimist: A person who while falling from Eiffel To wer says in midway "See I am not injured yet."

24. Pessimist:- A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, Instead of the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY.

25. Miser: A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.

26. Father: A banker provided by nature.

27. Criminal: A guy no different from the rest... except that he got caught.

28. Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

29. Politician: One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.

30. Doctor: A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.

Chauvinist jokes

How many men does it take to open a beer?

None. It should be opened when she brings it.

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Why is a Laundry a really bad place to pick up a woman?

Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.

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Why do women have smaller feet than men?

It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.

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How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?

When she starts a sentence with "A man once told me..."

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How do you fix a woman's watch?

You don't. There is a clock on the oven.

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Why do men fart more than women?

Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.

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If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?

The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

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What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?

A woman who won't do what she's told.

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I married a Miss Right.

I just didn't know her first name was Always.

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Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.

It's called a Wedding Cake.

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Why do men die before their wives?

They want to.

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Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street

with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

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In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.

Then God created Man and rested.

Then God created Woman.

Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.

Beer research

Yesterday, scientists released the results of a recent
analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer. Men should take
a concerned look at their beer consumption. The theory is that beer
contains female hormones (hops contain phytoestrogens) and that by drinking enough beer, men turn into women. To test the theory, 100 men were fed 8 pints of beer each within a 1 hour period. It was then observed that 100% of the test subjects:

1) Gained weight.

2) Talked excessively without making sense.

3) Became overly emotional.

4) Couldn't drive.

5) Failed to think rationally.

6) Argued over nothing.

7) Had to sit down while urinating.

8) Refused to apologize when obviously wrong.


No further testing was considered necessary

More end of year photos

Democracy, let the votes be counted!

Robert Kisitu and wife

Emotional miss Uganda addressing Ugandans

Abby, explaing how his organisation helps undocumented immigrants

Ed'son and Gerrie

Miss Uganda receiving one of the presents from the Guest of Honour

Miss Uganda receiving another present

Isaac

End of year party: Pictorial

A cross section of participants

What is the next item on the agenda? Ibra seems to be asking

Hafsa Musoni and some Miss Uganda contestants

Rebecca, Haji Kasule, Herbert and Camille

Joan Kitto, recognised for building an educational institute in Uganda

Eddie Bukenya giving an acceptance speech

Wouter Dijkstra, sharing his experience in Uganda

Shamim, Ed'son and Gerrie

Ugandans in the Netherlands celebrate end of year before end of year

Last Saturday 12 December 2009 the Ugandan community celebrated the end of year in style. The party was held at Daalwijk 100A in Amsterdam South East. By 6.00pm the gates were open, but guests started half an hour later. They were treated to coffee and tea as they waited for their dinner.

The guest of honour was honourable Sam Kalega Njuba, the Member of Parliament for Nangabo constituency, which lies in the North of Kampala city in Uganda. At 7.30 pm Daudi Mukasa, opened the function with a prayer after which, dinner was served.

After dinner, we were treated to Ngoma Nganda (traditional ganda drums). I was seated near the chief guest, but I couldn’t resist jumping from my seat, removing my coat and dashing to the floor to gyrate my body in rhythm with the sound of the drums. My wife immediately joined me and other people too.

The Board of Pearl of Africa had prior to the function identified 3 outstanding Ugandans to be recognized this night. The first was Lameka Nkangi, a Ugandan who has been here for quite a long period of time. He earned recognition because his house is always open to Ugandans in need of shelter, food or companionship. He has never closed doors of his house on anyone all the years he has been in this country.

The second one is Eddie Bukenya. He is a music promoter. In the last one year, he has successfully brought around 10 leading artists from Uganda. He has organized more concerts in the last one-year than those organized by different people in the last 10 years.

The third is Joan, Kitto Ziwedde, a Ugandan living in Rotterdam. She was previously married to a Dutchman who brought her here from Uganda. She has managed to put up a primary school in Mukono District within a period of one year. She calls it after her main sponsor Peters primary school. She already has 250 pupils, a computer laboratory, a dining where food is served, classes and now 2 dormitories are being built to house both boys and girls in the boarding section.

After recognizing these people, leaders of organizations supporting Uganda immigrants were called to greet the people. Richard Mulindwa of Ofuga was absent and had no representation. However, Nedas, Agali Awamu, Mama Watoto and Pearl of Africa briefly presented what their organizations are all about.

3 researchers from the University of Amsterdam were also in attendance. They did their research from Uganda in summer. Guido van Diepen, Wouter Dijkstra and Ben White. The last 2 briefly shared with the audience their experiences while in Uganda.

The second last item was voting for miss Uganda 2010. This year we had many contestants including: Irene Luzinda, Grace Mugisha, Vickie, Natasha and Zam. Many women nominated were rejected because they were married. The contestants were given time to talk about themselves and what they will do for Uganda and later asked to go out. Irene Luzinda won and outgoing miss Uganda Hafsa Musoni crowned her. Irene dedicated her win and all her presents to her mother Rebecca Luzinda.

Later the chairman pearl of Africa invited the guest of honour honourable Sam Kalega Njuba to address the Ugandans. He talked about what brought him to Europe and specifically to Amsterdam. He also talked about his history in politics and how he abandoned the NRM party. A few questions mostly over the land bill were put to him, but he answered all of them satisfactorily.

After his speech, he opened the dance, and it was all dancing until the next morning. I am told some celebrants from the party in the morning just went to church for the Sunday prayers!

Hon. Sam Njuba Visits

Daudi Mukasa, Hon Njuba, John Njuba, Ali and Ibra

We shared brunch (Breakfast and lunch combined) yesterday Sunday 13 December 2009 with Hon. Sam Kalega Njuba (MP) at our humble abode in Almere. Hon Njuba is in Europe on party business. He spared a few days to come and see his son and pay a courtesy call on the FDC branch members in the Netherlands.

The previous evening Hon Njuba had presided over the Uganda Community’s end of year party in Amsterdam. His son, John Njuba brought him, accompanied by Daudi Mukasa, Malobo and Ibra Ndaula.

Malobo, Ibra and Hon Njuba

We enjoyed a sumptuous meal of matooke (steamed – wrapped in banana leaves - green bananas), dried mushrooms in peanut sauce, roasted goat meat, posho (kept warm in banana leaves) and chicken. There was wine, coffee and plenty of fruits for dessert. After the meal hon. Njuba was driven to Brussels to catch his flight back to Uganda.

This is so hilarious….and of course, SO TRUE!!!

How To Shower Like a Woman Take off clothes and place them sectioned in laundry basket according to lights and darks. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups / leg-lifts, etc. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash. Rinse conditioner off hair. Shave armpits and legs. Turn off shower. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tile cleaner. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If you see partner along the way, cover up any exposed areas. How To Shower Like a Man Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see partner along the way, shake willy at her making the 'woo-woo' sound. Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your willy and scratch your bum. Get in the shower. Wash your face. Wash your armpits. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off. Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower. Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area. Wash your bum, leaving those coarse bum hairs stuck on the soap. Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohican Wee. Rinse off and get out of shower. Partially dry off. Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of bath the whole time. Admire willy size in mirror again. Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on. Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass partner, pull off towel, shake willy at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again. Throw wet towel on bed.